Posts tagged "writing"

Day Seventy-six: Deadline Saturday

I don’t know exactly what it is about working on edits on a deadline (Monday, you guys. Monday!) but they make me huuungry. Hungry for comfort food. And chocolate. 

My theory is that glucose is the brain’s only fuel. And I’m working so hard I have steam coming out of my ears, so … need lots of carbs? I don’t know. Maybe not. I just know that I did not swim today, I didn’t expect to, and I ate two chocolate cupcakes.

This is the first time I’ve had a major work deadline since starting my 100 days. The last deadline I had was when the first draft of Rebel Nation was due in early December. That deadline nearly killed me. Not because I didn’t have enough time—just the stress. Oh, my gosh, the stress. And stress on top of not feeling good and having no energy? Yuck.

So, I’m typing my fingers off. I’m getting excited about having people read Rebel Nation this summer. I’m falling in love all over again with the world and the characters in my story. And I feel good enough to enjoy it all. 

That’s what I’m talking about.

I won’t make it to the gym on Sunday either, and probably not Monday either. I’ve planned for those days off, so no biggie. I may or may not have to take Monday off of school. I hope not. We’ll have to see how much work I can get done by the end of tomorrow.

Today is day seventy-six and energy is my friend.

Essay for Non-fiction Class

When I was fifteen, I was on a swim team and my high school track team. I played soccer and basketball and lifted weights and rode my bicycle everywhere.

I was an athlete. 

My body fat was low enough to hold off puberty.
I was already tall, with long legs and narrow hips and broad shoulders.

I was constantly compared to my sister who looked like Blue Lagoon-era Brooke Shields and my other sister who was a perfect blonde ballerina and my chubby mother.

I was always hungry and never food secure, because someone was always watching what I ate.

"You’re not fat yet, Shaunta, but if you’re not careful …"

"Are you sure you need a sandwich?"

"Haven’t you already had enough?"

I truly believed I was a fat, disgusting, ugly, monster that no one would ever love. The weight of that sometimes felt like it might crush me to death. I never, ever wasn’t trying to take up less space.

It took me a long time to stop looking at pictures of my fifteen-year-old self and thinking: “Wow, I was so pretty and so thin.”

As if that confirmed that I deserved better.

As if there is some weight where hating yourself is okay.

As if it’s okay for fat kids to feel the way I did.

I wish someone had taken my face in their hands in 1986 and looked me in the eye and said, “sweetheart, you are good enough.”

Sometimes when I lay down at night and close my eyes, I bring up an image of fifteen-year-old me and that’s exactly what I do.

Day Seventeen: Resolutions

I’m a resolution maker from way back.

Not just New Year’s resolutions, either. Summer resolutions, birthday resolutions—anything that resembles a set period of time is free game for resolution making.

For years my number one resolution was to sell a book. I did that in 2012, and it was published in 2013.

Now what?

I didn’t even make a resolution for 201. That’s how overwhelmed I was by actually meeting this one major dream head on.

I have a few goals for 2014:

I want to sell another book.

I want to keep up with this whole Eating the Food thing. It seems a little weird to make ‘eat a lot’ a New Year’s resolution, but there you go.

I want to take more pictures.

I want to travel somewhere I’ve never been before.

I want to wear cute clothes.

Today is day seventeen. It’s kind of amazing to me how quickly time passes when you’re not starving. I feel like I’m healing. Recovering. I feel stronger. I feel more energetic.

It took thirty-plus years of restriction and disordered thinking to get where I am. I’m not going to get better overnight.

I’m excited for 2014.

Pretty Mae keeping me company while I write today.

Pretty Mae keeping me company while I write today.

Hi! I'm Shaunta.

I'm an author and a defiant athlete.

An author tells stories.

A defiant athlete is a rebel.

This is a Health at Every Size, body positive blog.

Swim at Every Size. Eat the Food. Love yourself.

Read for the pure joy of a great story.

Find me on twitter: shauntagrimes

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